Thursday, June 02, 2005

Cleaning Like it's 9/11

I've been cleaning my place these last couples days with an energy I rarely have - dusting, vacuuming, mopping, wiping off dusty room corners, wiping down my windows, mirrors and countertops, even cleaning my cabinet doors and handles, cleaned my shower and tub, even windexed my shower doors. The last time I had this kind of desire to clean was after 9/11 - I was so angry and frustrated because I felt so helpless like I couldn't do anything, and I had all this energy with nowhere to put it except in the cleanliness of my place, a space where I had some control, I could do something useful and wipe away whatever I was feeling.

When things were out of control at work a few months ago, I walked and wandered for miles around the City like Forrest Gump running from one end of the country to the other. When emotions cannot be expressed or when one doesn't know what to feel, it comes out in other ways. This is my way of dealing with it.