Commitment Phobe Patterns

The only books I have finished are anything written by Maya Angelou because they are so complex, inspirational, ingeniously written to keep my eyes moving to the end. But, I have a pile of books, I buy, read the first couple chapters, put down and then never pick up again. Then, I forget what I read and resign myself that I have to read the book from the beginning but never do. A pile of books in a book graveyard; I guess they never really held my attention.

I took a taiko drum class this summer, paid for a month, only went for a month, was so excited in the beginning at banging out my frustrations on a big fat drum, and then I just dropped out. I auditioned and started to practice with the Glide gospel choir, loved it, my dream, belted out with the group and was working my way onto singing with the full congregational gospel choir on a regular Sunday service. I left for my trip to South America right at the juncture and then never went back to practice, things kept coming up, work travel, too tired, emotional outbursts. I still need to make myself go because I still want to do it, but...

I met one in Costa Rica, instant connection, love, but plans kept getting pushed back, waiting, months and months go by, frustration, feelings starting to wane, fading, forgetting how it was, only 3 days to base the future on... and bam! I met another one, unexpectedly, out of the blue, young, Brazilian, hot, and, uh...who? Forgotten, temporarily...boom, bam, boom, then done, email from the first and I'm back again, still holding a torch for the second though...oy...

Tired and exhausting, not only for me, but for everyone else because no one can keep up, including me. Plans change, feelings come and go and come back again, just go with the flow, managing, taking a rest for now... That is the life of Maile, what can I say?