On the Verge of Forgiveness

As I sat on the Union Square steps today watching the Macy's display guy paint the front red for the upcoming holidays, soaking in the sun and feeling slightly sorry for myself, I contemplated what my next step would be. I have been up and down, crying sometimes, talking to friends, writing my blogs, listening to music that speaks to me, letting it all flow out. Towards the end of the hour as I sat, the sun turned to clouds and then drops of rain. As looked up at the sky, I remembered my hairdresser saying that just like all rainstorms, this will soon be over. And it did, it passed as I sat there now slightly damp.

After this moment of silent contemplation, I somehow find myself now on the verge of forgiveness, just ever so slightly on the upswing, a very baby tiny step. I miss him so much, and I wonder if he misses me, thinks of me - but now I am able to smile a little when I think of him, a tiny miracle in itself. I don't know if I'll ever see him again, talk to him, hear his cute accent, but at least I have some sweet memories to take and hold all my very own. No one can take that away from me as I continue to take baby steps forward, letting go and feeling the relief and release that comes with forgiveness.