Quote on a Card

Out of clutter,
find simplicity.

From discord,
find harmony.

In the middle
of difficulty,
lies opportunity.

- Albert Einstein

Rise high, baby, the coast is clear as all else has fallen away. I am free and will be safe in your arms soon. I can't wait to see you here.

Apples and Oranges

And persimmons - yum. To compare the two - the TWO - is unfair as they are so different, but my heart has the unfathomable ability to go back and forth, a skill that I wish not to have right now. Sweet and Hot, both strong, both of Italian descent, one's Brazilian, love and like, expressive, 34 and 24, ready to move forward together and ready to move on with life, dark hair, brown eyes that burn through me, more height conducive to me and gigantore, one cooks phenomenally and one eats out, loves and appreciates culture and sort of closed in, lips, hands and chemistry both, thoughtful and not so much, makes me laugh in different ways, cute accents, genuine efforts to speak English and more comfortable with it. I need to concentrate on one and completely drop the other, but my mind of memories and heart of feelings won't let me.

Sound of Rain

The sound of cars down below driving over rainy pavement is so comforting to me, lulling, better than any music or TV background noise at this moment. Maybe it is because I am glad I am not out there in it as I hear a car screeching by.

Some Take More Time

Hello, my name is Maile, and I am a slow healer. Ha. Sometimes it takes me years, a little progress, then I digress big time. I am a Cancerian, what can I say. We are just one big walking emotion, we wear our hearts on our sleeves, and although we seem strong, there is warm softness underneath that is vulnerable and bleeds at any given moment. I take a long time to come around. Sometimes it takes replacing him with another who truly moves me, sometimes it takes a bright burst of clarity, realization of something I probably knew all along but denied and pushed down, hanging onto to something that was wrong, unhealthy and simply unattainable. Healing cannot be forced or given a deadline, it just happens, one day *poof* it's over, never completely forgotten but a whole lot is forgiven.

Eye of the Beholder

What makes a face attractive? The overall shape, eyes, bone structure, nose, mouth, whistful look in his eyes, that look in his eyes that you know you held at one time. Knowing a little bit about him, I can feel his pulling vulnerability in this picture, a big piece of him is missing, wishing I could give him something back, don't know why, and it just makes you want to be there to fill that hole.

Atypical Gal

I don't enjoy shopping. Period. Now for sales tax-free shopping in Pennsylvania, I will make an exception and go a little crazy shopping just a little as our sales tax in San Francisco is something like 8.5%, but other than that, I don't enjoy it normally. Maybe it's the crowds, maybe it's the whole process of trying on clothes and scrutinizing how I look or how my body looks, maybe it feeds into that empty pit feeling of never being satisfied with what we already have. My money still goes and disappears just like everyone elses, but it goes towards travels, yummy food and iced mochas with whipped cream.

All for the Best

I felt your presence all the while when I was in NYC, and I must've seen five guys who jolted me, reminding me of you, heart beating fast and then slowly calming. You still haunt me as I see you are coming back here next month, feelings still there obviously, undeniable. I had a good time in NYC regardless with or without you as it is New York as I have good friends there as I don't need you. I still think about you it's true, and I will for a long, long time. But I only hold onto the good, hope for the best, wish you well, letting you go more and more bit by bit, catch myself smiling at the memories, preparing and anticipating for the love of my life's arrival next week, my love, Giuliano, makes me blush and giggle, wants to hear my voice and be near me as soon as he can, one more week. You will be but a faint brilliant memory soon.

Extraordinary - by Liz Phair

You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me
But I drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To make, to make you love me
I am extraordinary
If you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary
I am just your ordinary, average, everyday, sane, psycho, supergoddess
You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make you too normal for you?
So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me
I am extraordinary
If you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary
I am just your ordinary, average, everyday, sane, psycho, supergoddess
See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?

Ain't No Angel

Lord knows I ain't no angel, let alone this year, I have done a lot that I am not particularly proud of. Karma says what goes around comes around. Well, in my case, I surely hope and pray not. I propose to let it all go, cleanse and be free of all of it for it is not me anymore, for I hope it is not me anymore, no more, I hope I am forgiven...I need to start by forgiving myself.

Let go, let go, jump in, oh well what're you waiting for...

There's no need to sabotage as all is all right, free for now, go go go. Do what you want, say what you want because you will do as you want anyway, no one is stopping you. Testing one two three, who cares, you are who you are, listen to your heart, your head, your body, do as you will as life is lived without regrets without unfinished business without lingering questions. Go.

Thoughts of Living Outside of the USA

Just looking into the future a whee bit because you know you just never know what is right around the corner, in the next year, in the next few years, whatever. What would it be like if I possibly moved out of the country? There would be so many things I would need to do without that I take for granted here like: my family, friends, regular dentist appointments, theatre like no other here in San Francisco, concerts, Trader Joe's, American-style food, being able to communicate in my native tongue...so much. But I'd be gaining so much in the way of quality of life, love, less stress, less rushing around, more time to do the everyday. These thoughts have been in and out of my head for the last week, more to crowd my brain, more to add to my heightened emotions, more to add to the uncertainty of it all. Sigh...