February Be Gone

Man, February has been a long ass month, the month since my love left back to Costa Rica and the month before I can see him again. Maybe it's because so much has happened, so much has been accomplished towards my goal, so many thoughts have passed through this head of mine that time seemed to stand still. But it's not over yet as I have an interview, a bartending test to take and my present job to contend with in the next few days. Please, February be gone with all the best to happen swiftly and all the bad to take place with minimal pain. I want to be in my baby's arms now.

This Year's Different

Today is Valentine's Day, and it was actually all right, the first one in a very long time - maybe ever - since I have my real love, Giuliano, now. He gives me a sense of confidence, a feeling of comfort knowing he is my man, my love, my one and only, I feel full and complete. Usually most Valentine's Day, I'd dress in red to overcompensate for my lack of love, walk around with my head down trying to ignore all of the red and decorations in store windows, and feel innerly bitter everytime I saw a couple happily together. But this time, even though my love is not physically here with me, those same decorations I used to look at in disdain filled me today, made me smile and reminded me of my love, filled me with hope, looking to the future. For the first time, I didn't dread this day - a real celebration of l*o*v*e.

Mixed Blessings

Some days are good when I think I've made decisions for myself, that's it, move on. Then other days, I sway back and forth at least three or four times, unsure, doubting, wondering what-ifs. "Let the road show me the way" and "take your time" as he says, words of the wise, and I know he's right. Let time show me the answers as I don't have it all figured out and wouldn't be expected to. Just be honest and ride it through til the time is right, go back to Costa Rica and make sure it is the right move for me, let it be. Pressures from all sides, one side especially, what to do...take a deep breath and have faith that I will know in time.

He's waiting.... :) ....sigh...I wish I could leave right now.

Stress Paralyzes Me

Hi, I'm stressed out. I'm making huge life decisions right now - work, home, moving, family, friends - which way do I go, which option is best - June, October - should I quit now, what about money, what about money in the future, will I be able to make it, will they understand, will they support me, will I lose everything, will I find people to stay here and support me. It's all unknown and it's enough to keep me up at nights, lack of sleep, tossing and turning, not helping me stay clear. I need to call friends to bounce off my ideas and thoughts, give me some kind of stability, see through my muck and help me to see clearly again.

One thing I have that I know is true, is the love of Giuliano and my good friends. Thank God for that as their love pulls me through this mess of mine.